Jealousy is equally affected by women and men. Most often, this feeling arises from a person who is unsure of himself, who considers himself unworthy of his second half. Fear of losing a loved one leads to the emergence of suspicions, often unfounded, and subsequently - to scandals. As a result, feelings are destroyed, disappointments and offenses happen, and marital relations collapse. Therefore, it is important to know how to get rid of it.
Where does jealousy come from
Many are familiar with this feeling firsthand. Even in childhood, when mom or dad paid more attention to brother / sister, some felt like everything inside was shrinking from pain. In such a case, jealousy arose from ordinary fear. Children are afraid of losing a loved one, they are afraid that someone can take it away. Or that mom / dad will stop loving. When we grow up, this fear does not disappear anywhere, it just disguises itself under other feelings.
Diffidence
We are jealous because of insecurity not in another person, but in ourselves. It seems to us that we are not quite worthy of attention and care. But instead of realizing our own importance, we try to protect the "object of attention" from other people's encroachments and possible contacts. At the same time, not only the beloved man, but also parents, friends, and children can become such an “object”.
Improper upbringing
If it is customary in the family to be considered jealous, it means that he loves, the child has no choice but to accept this rule as an axiom. When he grows up, he will either be jealous himself, not knowing how to express his feelings differently. Either he wants to be jealous. In the second case, he will necessarily choose a jealous person as a partner, even if unconsciously.
Children's psychological trauma
If a child accidentally finds out that he was unwanted, he may begin to fear that his parents will abandon him or betray him. At such a moment, he will lose his sense of security, stop believing in himself, lose confidence in himself. Over time, the child will forget about everything, but fear will still eat up his strength. Such a person will grow suspicious, suspicious, anxious. It will always seem to him that his partner will deceive him, betray or throw him. Hence jealousy.
It is worth noting that a person who perceives a partner as his property can be jealous. Or the one who has already been betrayed and deceived in the past. Or the one who himself is able to go on treason. The latter is simply because of the fear that they might be treated the same.
How to understand that you are a jealous person?
Finding a jealous person is quite simple. He behaves himself in possession of the “object of attention”, be it a spouse, a child, or someone else.
To understand how jealous you are, try answering the following questions:
- When he / she speaks on the phone, you immediately ask who is calling?
- Do you open mail addressed to the second half?
- Do you dislike those women / men who were half in front of you?
- Do you listen in on phone calls, check "Contacts" in the gadget?
- Negative about flirting husband / wife with other people?
- Do you think that if your partner went to a restaurant with a colleague, do they have an affair?
- Call the phone number found in the pocket of his jacket?
- Do you often feel like an abandoned person?
- Do you come running for help in loving the esoteric (guessing on cards, reading plots)?
- Are you trying to sniff the smell of someone else's perfume on your partner's clothes?
- After your absence, are you trying to find traces of an alien woman in the house?
If all or at least half answered "Yes", the feeling of jealousy is clearly inherent in you. You need to fight this! Before you start doing any of the above, stop and let the situation through you. Remember: open conversation is the best way out. When you feel jealous again, talk with your partner "about sore." If he knows what caused the distrust, then, most likely, in the future this situation will try to prevent.
All the positive and negative points of jealousy
Is jealousy always a bad thing? Not! This feeling can be compared with spice. If it is taken in small doses, then family life will become more exciting, interesting and "tasty." And the partner will feel that you really love and appreciate him. But it is only a little to overdo it, that's all. The consequences will be dire. What exactly - described below.
It is important: to live with a jealous man is a real punishment. In this case, one spouse is constantly in search of a non-existent rival, while the other is looking for evidence of his innocence. One day someone will get tired of doing it: the second half, who has to constantly make excuses, or the jealous himself. And then the family will not. Moreover, if there are children in the family, then they will be the first to suffer.
"Symptoms" of jealous behavior
Every person is jealous in his own way. One tries to keep his "object of passion" near himself, the other - arranges scenes with a showdown, the third - tries to embroil a partner with other people so that he does not communicate with anyone. But to highlight some common "symptoms" of jealousy is still possible.
It:
- the desire to constantly be around;
- the desire to control the partner;
- negative in relation to the people with whom he communicates;
- increased anxiety for the development of relationships.
Dealing with jealousy can be very difficult. Sometimes for this you have to seek help from specialists. Mostly to psychologists.
How is female jealousy different from male?
Women, when they are jealous, become more anxious, begin to look for flaws, sometimes they give their partners real hysterics. And men are trying in every way to control their lovers:
- forbid to go somewhere;
- impose a taboo on the wearing of short skirts and dresses;
- in rare cases, physical force is used.
Or else they may become colder in a relationship and start ignoring their object of passion. And one more important difference: men "react" only to obvious facts. For example, he came to his beloved, and her neighbor is sitting in his underpants, drinking tea. And it does not matter that Ivanovich (let's call him that) came here because she saved a person nearby, and "Masha" kindly offered to drink tea for warming. Scandal will be. But to think out a man will never be anything, unlike a woman. Girls are able for a moment to come up with a situation, get into it and throw a loved one scandal.
How to stop being jealous and keep the relationship?
In order to stabilize family relations, professionals first of all recommend increasing self-esteem. If there is self-doubt, complexes, they definitely need to be fought. Do not be lazy, and improve. You need to work on yourself, it becomes better to fit your soul mate.
Other rules:
- If possible, spend more time together, find a common hobby, learn more about each other. Jealousy is born where there is no trust and understanding.
- Stop perceiving a loved one as a property. He may have personal affairs and social circle. This should not cause offense. It should respect the partner’s personal space. He will appreciate this attitude.
- Try to discuss with your loved one all the points that worry. Remember: if the husband stayed at work - this means that he had an emergency or urgent business appeared. And he does not have a mistress.
If you are jealous, increase the self-esteem of the second half. Assure your feelings and help to understand how you love and do not want to lose. Never hide anything, let him / her know your friends, share your interests, problems and experiences. And when you go somewhere, invite him / her to accompany you if you wish. Tell us about your plans and tasks, let your spouse know where and with whom you are.
Psychology tips
Psychologists also recommend to get rid of jealousy, to adhere to such rules of behavior:
- Stop spying on your partner. At all. Forever and ever. Just understand: such actions will not lead to anything good.
- Eliminate your own fears. For example, if you are catastrophically afraid of losing your partner, try losing in your mind such a situation as if you broke up with him. That was 1 year, 2, 5 ... You are already with another person. And not so scary, right?
- Stop comparing yourself to others. Yes, maybe you are not a fashion magazine cover model, but you deserve no less than the rest. And if a partner is with you, it means that he has managed to make out what he liked.
What else experts advise: to improve their relationships, to stop cheating themselves on every occasion and without, to take care of themselves, giving the partner more freedom. Remember: the one who loves will not go away, and the other should not be held back.
The devastating effects of jealousy
True love is born only where there is trust in one another. In families where relationships are built on trust, conflicts do not arise, since loving spouses do not even try to suspect each other of treason. Endless scenes of jealousy interfere with love, and relationships turn into continuous suffering and distrust. But jealousy destroys not only the relationship, but also the jealous himself. His life turns into constant suspicion and anxiety.
Other consequences of jealousy:
- black, pushing on rash acts, envy of all with whom a loved one has a good relationship;
- a strong dependence of the jealous man on the "object of attention" (any compliments are perceived as a drug!);
- gradual, everyday destruction of relationships with a partner / friend / parents;
- the occurrence of the jealous somatic diseases and stress;
- poisoned by fears and constant suspicions of existence.
Of course, most people have a painful thirst for jealousy. But if it continues every day, one thought arises: most likely, your partner simply does not trust you. In this case, it is worth considering whether it is worth keeping the relationship.
Jealousy is a pernicious feeling that can destroy any relationship. You should not grow it in yourself if you do not want to lose your partner - and this is the main advice.
